Sometimes I admit I have grappled with the idea of being not as talkative as others. I go through times when I despise the differences I see (there I go glorifying perceived lack of personality and striving to people please). Father Forgive me 😦 People make you feel like a lesser being a lot of the time or it could be a wrong vantage point or an obsession with self/ a horrible form of idolatry( that you may not even know you have), either way, it’s felt. I’ve experienced people make these strange suggestions about what they feel this said “quiet” person might do because you know we have to watch ” the quiet ones ” (said with snickers) these comments if taken wrongly can lead a person to retreat and never come back. No one wants to be scrutinised but no one also wants to be ignored or overlooked completely.
In my (Before Christ) past, I isolated myself from a lot of interactions. Physically this might mean not going out if rarely invited or mentally checking out in public. This could also mean putting up snide barriers when faced with a conversation with others. Sometimes this approach, this avoidance to allowing people in is because we ourselves aren’t happy being in the place where others would be asked to come in. If we aren’t at peace with ourselves how could we feel comfortable with others coming to know this person we don’t accept? If we don’t accept who we are, how will we know if anyone else did? Even if they did we’d doubt it but we’d still try to be accepted tirelessly.
Proverbs 18 talks about a person isolating themselves, in this context they referred to a man isolating himself due to sinful actions in his life.
Proverbs 18English Standard Version (ESV)18 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
There was a point in my life where I hid from the things of God I went off against all sound judgement all because my pride of people acceptance and self-hate essentially was my distrust that God knew what he was doing when he made me. I wanted to be seen heard and loved but I was looking in the wrong place. I didn’t care to understand why things were the way they were. It was about ME, my desires reigned!!! When I became a Christian and a new creation through his resurrection of me at Christ’s Cross from the death of my past mentality I came into the community of the Brethren and HIS DESIRES STARTED TO REIGN. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu By his strength I have to continue to make that one step closer to God each day because if I don’t I fail to do what he wanted and stop moving or worse turn back and again fail to honour God. HE opened his word to me by his Holy Spirit now within me, washed me in his love. Through Jesus Christ, I was accepted, loved and created for a purpose, on purpose not by accident. Community plays a special role in life and even as we speak about discipleship we were meant for connection firstly with God and then with our fellow man. It would be a great plan of the enemy to steal the beauty of communion. To steal the joy of a conversation shared. To steal the ability to witness. To steal the beauty of a shoulder on which someone can lean on. To steal the ear of one uniquely equipped to listen. To steal the voice of one who took the time to understand. To steal the beauty of the diversity of expression. To steal the design of the body of Christ through isolation, through a hierarchy of persons, or of personalities and gifts which were not biblical but riddled in human pride.
It was self-deprecating pride that would fear what others think of me.
But it was Christ that set me free.
Hebrews 10:25 English Standard Version (ESV) 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.